


perpendicular

by vennilave



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blood, Boxer AU, Boxer Levi, Car Sex, Cockwarming, F/M, Fighting, Fluff, Grad School AU, Levi is Whipped (Shingeki no Kyojin), Levi is mean, Locker Room Sex, Smoking, Smut, Some angst, oc's family is annoying lol, shisha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:21:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28319622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vennilave/pseuds/vennilave
Summary: you and levi never truly ran in the same circles at school, but somehow your paths cross. these are moments of you and levi both in graduate school. also, he's an underground boxer:“Do you trust me?” Levi asks sharply.“Yes, but-”“Then trust that I can do this.”
Relationships: Levi & Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi/Reader
Comments: 30
Kudos: 277





	1. 2:58 AM

**Author's Note:**

> you may have seen this on tumblr (under vennilavee). enjoy!

Despite the duvet curled around your shoulders, you wake up feeling cold. The sheets are frigid against your bare legs and you blindly feel around next to you for the warmth of Levi.

Only to realize that you’re alone in bed. No wonder you’re freezing. With a huff, you crack your eyes open and rub sleep from your eyes. The bleary darkness of the late night settles around you, wrapping you in it’s frigid arms. 

It’s the week before what is bound to be an incredibly draining finals week. While you prefer to study during the day and sleep early, Levi hardly ever sleeps. In fact, he enjoys studying at night. Way after you’ve gone to bed. At first, you had tried to stay up with him, to give him company. But your eyes would always close of their own volition, hours before him. And he’d gently scold you to go to bed.

You know he’s been stressed the last few days. Well, really, the whole semester. His master's program in computer science was a lot more rigorous this semester than it was last year. He takes it in stride, hardly ever complaining but you’ve witnessed him breaking down a few times. In his own way. Not outright, but subtly. In the way he wouldn’t let himself sleep, the way he would hardly indulge with you.

Levi wasn’t taking care of himself and so you push yourself off the bed, tugging a hoodie over your head and walking out of the room as if you were on a mission. In the darkness of his apartment, you bump into the walls several times with a low groan.

You find him out on his small balcony, with a cigarette lit between his lips. Levi turns his tired eyes to you, lighting up in acknowledgment and opens the balcony door for you to join him.

“Baby,” You murmur, “It’s cold outside. And you’re standing here  _ shirtless. _ What will the neighbors think?”

“Our neighbors aren’t awake at 2:58 AM,” Levi scoffs. You wrap an arm around his hips, leaning your head on his shoulder and press a kiss to his neck.

“You shouldn’t be either,” You mutter and pull his cigarette from his fingers, taking a drag for yourself.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Levi mumbles, nosing at your neck.

“I know, baby,” You reply softly, cupping his cheek. You shift in his arms, standing in front of him, over the railing of his balcony. You tilt your head up to the darkened sky and look at the nearly full moon curiously. Levi’s always had a beautiful view of the city skyline from his apartment. It’s part of the reason why you prefer to stay at his apartment rather than yours lately.

Levi’s strong arms wrap around your waist and he pulls you into his chest. Despite the chill of the night air, he keeps you warm and toasty. The softness of his lips passes over the column of your neck as he inhales you in deeply and he follows your gaze over the sky.

“Would you tell me that my eyes are prettier than the stars,” You murmur with a laugh.

“Shut up,” Levi rolls his eyes, “What do I look like? Romeo?”

“You’re  _ my _ Romeo,” You grin, squirming when he pinches your waist teasingly. 

“I’d tell you,” Levi mumbles, turning you around so he can see your sleepy, pretty eyes, “You’re my stars-” he kisses your forehead, “My moon-” a kiss to your chin, “My angel-” a kiss to your lips.

Your cheeks are heated when you meet his eyes. “I was wrong. You’re  _ worse _ than Romeo.” You toss the cigarette in the ashtray and you surge forward for a real kiss, one that steals his breath away the minute you deepen it.

“Let’s go to bed, baby,” You whisper, “You’re cold…” You drag the pads of your fingers over his bare chest, his shoulders and finally into his hair. You scratch his undercut lightly, grinning when he lets out a low groan.

Levi holds you a little longer in his arms, dropping kisses to your cheeks, your neck, and finally your chapped lips. You hum when he scoops you up in his arms to carry you inside, locking the balcony door behind him.

“You  _ are _ a real Romeo,” You tease, cupping his cheeks and ignoring his soft glare at you. 

“Shut up, or I’ll drop you,” He threatens, no heat in his voice. Except, he does drop you on to the bed before climbing over you and pulling you under the duvet with him.

“Sleep, baby. Tomorrow’s a new day,” You mumble when he lays with his head on your chest. You rub his back, in between his tense shoulders as your nails also skate through his hair and wait for his breaths to even out. 

With a kiss to his forehead, you let yourself sleep, too.


	2. bare knuckles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> written for the prompt “i know you can handle it by yourself, but it doesn’t mean you should have to do this on your own”

Cymbals clang together painfully in his ears when Levi’s head hits the mat and blood spouts out of his mouth on impact. He groans, stars erupting from behind his eyelids as he tries to blink them away.  _ Fuck _ .

This isn’t going so well. And yet, despite the surely blooming bruise on the side of his face, the welts on his ribs and the ache that runs down his spine… Levi only thinks of you. And how he’s supposed to meet you for dinner in less than an hour.

The sound of the crowd around him in the boxing ring is drowned out by his thoughts of you. Levi gets up on his feet, shaking his head subtly to keep the newly forming headache at bay. 

He needs to finish this. And with swinging fists, more bloody, split lips, he does.

***

Levi is  _ late _ , which is normally out of character for him. Though, these days, it’s been becoming more and more frequent. He tells you it’s because of school, that this semester has been hard. Which is  _ true _ \- his graduate school courses had ramped up this semester and so have yours.

But you can tell he’s not being one hundred percent truthful. Tonight, over dinner, you were planning to ask him what was going on with him. If he ever decided to show up. Irritation begins to shift to worry, when all of your texts and calls go unanswered.

You frown at your phone. It’s well past your dinner reservations with him, and you’re about to change into comfortable clothes to go to his apartment yourself. To make sure he was alright. Just as you put a hoodie on, you hear staggered knocking at your door.

Swinging your door open without bothering to look in the peephole- something Levi would scold you for- you are face to face with the man himself. Your eyes widen and your lips part in surprise when you see fresh bruises and dried blood caked on his face. And his reddened fists with broken welts littering his knuckles.

“What the hell happened to you?” You ask bluntly, dragging him inside and sitting him at one of two chairs in your apartment. 

“Got into a fight,” He groans vaguely, leaning back and closing his eyes. His entire body is  _ throbbing _ , and he’s glad of the reprieve to finally sit.

“I can see that,” You hum, “I thought you were studying. Or worse, I thought you were in trouble.”

Levi laughs dryly. It hurts.

“I’m sorry,” Levi mumbles, “About dinner. I know you were gonna wear  _ that _ dress…”

“Is this what you’ve been doing?” You ignore him, fetching your first-aid kit from your bathroom, “Fighting instead of studying? What’s going on, Levi?

“I got jumped,” Levi lies through his teeth. You don’t know about his secret underground boxing life, and he’s going to keep it that way.

“That’s a lie,” You scoff, gingerly pushing his hair back to dab at the cut above his eyebrow. You stand in between his spread legs and Levi holds your hips with a sigh, pressing his forehead into your belly.

“You’re gonna bleed on my clothes,” You say forlornly, your hands beginning to tremble. You don’t like this. You don’t like seeing him like this.

Levi pulls his head away and looks up at you, allowing you to take care of him. His forehead, his cheek, his knuckles, his ribs. You’re so irate at him that you don’t consider how you’re poking and prodding his bare chest with your soft touch.

“Levi,” You murmur, “What’s going on? I know this isn’t the first time. Do you take me for an idiot?”

Levi stares at you, taking in your frown and the watery sheen of your eyes. Should he tell you? 

“My mom’s sick,” Levi mutters, “She’s sick and I need more money. So I’m fighting underground. That’s all.”

“That’s  _ all?! _ ” You hiss, “You’ve been hurting like this for weeks- maybe even months, haven’t you? What’s next? You wake up in the hospital? Get the  _ shit _ knocked outta you? I can hardly stomach seeing you like this  _ once _ -”

“I’m good at this-”

“Oh, I beg to differ,  _ Levi _ . Your mom wouldn’t want her only son to do this-”

“She’ll  _ die!  _ She’ll die if I can’t get the money,” Levi nearly shouts, his hands fisting the hem of your shirt desperately. 

Your eyes soften immediately, and you tentatively place your hands on his shoulders and squeeze.  **“I know you can handle it by yourself, but it doesn’t mean you should have to do this on your own,”** You mumble, tears pooling and escaping from your eyes.

“Don’t- don’t cry,” Levi begs, “I can’t handle you crying, too.”

“Levi,” You mumble, sitting in his lap and looping an arm around his shoulders. He winces slightly but says nothing. “Let me  _ help _ . You’re my best friend. Let me help you.”

“Do you trust me?” Levi asks sharply.

“Yes, but-”

“Then trust that I can  _ do _ this.”


	3. pink matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's levi's birthday and you're his present
> 
> smoking (shisha), smut in the form of: oral (f receiving), fingering, grinding, oc is lowkey a pillow princess, oc cries (bc levi’s stroke game is too good), edging, spitting (dont @ me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummm what can i say other than…happy birthday to my mans. and yes i listened to pink matter by frank ocean on repeat while writing this

Levi and birthdays were a tricky thing- he stubbornly refused to do anything over the top every year that you’d known him. His birthday celebrations have almost always been something that his friends have planned, or for the past few years, they’ve been celebrations that  _ you _ have planned. His birthday fell during winter break, but this year neither of you were heading home. He was staying on campus for his internship and you were staying on campus to apply for jobs and give Levi company.

Besides, your family’s home wasn’t far from campus anyway.

He had had a boxing match earlier in the week, and had come out relatively unscathed with a few still healing bruises and welts over his knuckles. Despite your many attempts to dissuade him from underground boxing, none of them worked. He  _ was _ good at it, great even, and he made more money underground boxing than he could ever hope to make at his internship. Besides, he had promised you that he was  _ almost _ ready to quit.

You refused to let him splurge on you the way you knew he wanted to. If he was going to hurt himself to save up money for his mother, then every penny of his boxing money would go towards that. 

Levi could splurge on you later, as you often reminded him when it was late at night and he would voice to you how you deserve more. You scoffed at him, telling him that he knew you better than that. Besides, his kisses, his touch, his  _ time _ was worth more than anything. Him coming back to you unscathed was worth more than a pretty piece of jewelry.

That didn’t stop him from getting you a beautiful gold necklace for your birthday. He needed to get you at least  _ one _ thing for you to show off. You had protested immediately- you were both struggling for money, to make ends meet as graduate students. But he had silenced you-  _ “Let me treat you just this once. _ ”

And you couldn’t argue with that.

So today, you choose to keep Levi’s birthday lowkey, just how he prefers it. Just you and him. He’s spending most of the day at his internship, and then will be meeting Erwin and Hange for a quick drink. And then he’ll be having dinner with you.

He had asked you several times if you had wanted to join him for drinks, but you waved him off. Telling him to spend time with his friends, and that you’d go to his apartment once he came back.

Levi had kissed you goodbye in the morning, letting you linger over his chapped lips for a few minutes longer. 

You’re satisfied in letting him leave in the morning, as you had woken him up early with a birthday blowjob. The rest can wait until after he comes home.

***

You had given instructions to Erwin and Hange to keep Levi with them for as long as they could. After all, you had to finish baking the mini lemon tarts you wanted to make for Levi, make dinner,  _ and _ get ready.

You were going to wear your baby pink satin-y dress. The one with thin straps. The one that Levi loved on you. 

Anticipation floods through you as minutes tick by. You were multitasking- rolling dough, chopping meat, green chilis and vegetables up for the jiaozi and noodles that you wanted to make for dinner while checking the oven. Levi had given you his mother’s recipe for jiaozi, and you were eager to try it out.

Hopefully it came out as good as his mom’s.

You'd told Levi you’d be heading back to your own place to tidy up and fix up your resume, but really you had just snuck back into his apartment to start cooking with the spare key he had given you.

His kitchen smells wonderful and spicy mixed with sweet. A thin layer of sweat pools over your brow as you make sure that the broth is  _ just _ right and the tarts aren’t  _ too _ overdone. You’d even bought wine and whiskey- the wine mainly for you, and the whiskey for him.

Once the dough has rested for long enough, you add soy sauce, rice wine, salt and pepper to the meat and mix it. Then, you cut the dough into thin slices and add the meat filling to it. Before wetting the dough and folding the edges, you pull the tarts out of the oven.

Maybe you had prepared the tarts too early. Oh well, that’s okay.

You cook the jiaozi and pan-fry them, satisfied at the golden brown, crispy texture of them.

You make several servings of spicy Szechuan chili garlic noodles, to save as leftovers for tomorrow. You love noodles, and chili garlic noodles are one of Levi’s favorites.

Perfect. You still have around forty minutes left to get ready. If you move quickly, that’s all you’d need.

***

The small dining table in Levi’s extended kitchen is set with two plates, a glass of whiskey for Levi and a glass of red wine for you. You had strung more pink fairy lights around his living room and kitchen, giving the walls a faint, romantic glow.

Not that Levi knows what’s awaiting him. He’s not even expecting you in his apartment, but when he fumbles with the keys and sees the pink glow washing over his walls he knows you’ve been by.

But then he sees you sitting on the couch in his favorite baby pink dress with your legs crossed and a soft smile. You swirl your glass of wine at him expectantly, before setting it on the coffee table and greeting him at the door.

“Hey,” You murmur, smoothing out the wrinkles of his shirt with your hands, “Welcome home.”

Levi can’t take his eyes off of the red of your lips. He plants his hands over your hips, drawing you in closer to him. He traces over the curve of your jaw, eyeing the necklace sitting nice and pretty at the base of your throat. Levi dips his head to kiss your clavicle easily.

“Hey,” Levi drawls, “You all pretty for me?”

“No,” You roll your eyes, “‘M all pretty for  _ me _ . You’re just an added bonus.”

“Even on my  _ birthday _ ?”

“Shut up,” You laugh, swatting his shoulder, “Go wash up. I made you something.”

Levi palms and smacks your ass generously, swallowing your soft sigh with his lips before ducking out to wash his hands. You watch him walk away from you, enjoying the way his dress shirt clings to his narrow waist and his broad shoulders. You ring your own hands in slight nervousness, hoping that he enjoys the food you prepared for him.

You know he will. But still, you like compliments and you’re not above admitting that.

You refill your wine glass, nearly jumping when Levi wraps his arms around your waist. His hands are warm against your belly, sending a bolt of desire through your spine.

“Started drinkin’ without me?” He murmurs, voice low in your ear.

“No,” You shake your head, “I had a glass as I was cooking. That doesn’t count.”

Levi’s hand slips up the slit of your dress, squeezing your thighs and trailing up your leg. “You made us dinner?”

“And dessert,” You mumble with a nod, turning in his arms and gesturing to the dinner table. Levi’s eyes soften when he sees the set up of the dinner table- two neatly prepared plates with steaming food. How had he not smelled it when he walked in? 

Probably because he was too taken with the scent of your perfume.

“It’s not much,” You mumble shyly, “But-”

Levi cuts your words off with a searing kiss, pulling you into his chest and cradling your neck. “It’s everything, angel,” Levi says, pressing his forehead to yours, “ _ You’re _ everything.”

Your painted lips split into a bashful smile, and you push his hair out of his eyes to press a kiss to his forehead. “Happy birthday, baby.”

Levi kisses you again in gratitude, soft and chaste. His hands are rough over your skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake. He takes your hand and seats you in his lap in one swift movement, shifting you until you fit within the crevices of his chest.

You reach over for your plate and glass of wine, waiting for him to take the first bite of jiaozi. His eyes widen in appreciation, a soft hum coming from his chest.

“Tastes so  _ good _ ,” Levi murmurs, pressing a kiss to the back of your shoulder.

“Really?” You perk up, turning to look at him, “It was my first time, I wasn’t sure if I got them quite right-”

“Really,” Levi says, “Thank you for this.”

“Just wanted to do somethin’ nice for you,” You shrug, unable to stop the smile from spreading, “You deserve it, baby.”

Levi hooks his chin over your shoulder, patting your thigh to wordlessly tell you to eat with him. After a few bites, you admit-

“You’re right, I did do a good job,” You giggle, the noise almost high pitched with the addition of wine. Levi tugs your hand into his, admiring the soft lilac color of your nails as he takes a generous sip of his whiskey.

“You did,” Levi trails off flatly, nosing at your neck. You both finish your plates quietly with gratuitous sips of wine and whiskey in between respectively. The soft material of your dress is always within Levi’s touch- he loves this dress on you because it only just  _ ghosts _ over the nearly hidden lines and curves of your body. 

He thinks it makes you look ethereal. 

By the time you finish your plates off, you’re feeling the effects of wine curling in your limbs. Making you a little more affectionate than normal, not wanting to let go of Levi’s hand. Always touching him, somehow.

Levi puts your plates away and washes them quickly as you box up the food for leftovers for tomorrow. “Hey, guess what,” You murmur, “I packed the bowl for us-”

You gesture to the living room, where your pink and purple hookah sits tall and pretty next to the coffee table. Your hookah has been your trusty friend for the last few years, and you had even introduced Levi to it. Your hookah has now made a home in Levi’s apartment as well. Even though you had taught him how to use it, he had slowly become the one to pack the shisha into the bowl whenever you both wanted to smoke and clean the water out. 

You claimed that the shisha would stain your nails. He had rolled his eyes but didn’t argue. You were such a  _ princess _ , but you were his princess. 

“Oh wow, is it a special occasion?” He says dryly, with the arch of his eyebrow. 

“It’s just some guy’s birthday,” You reply without missing a beat, earning yourself a squeeze of your ass. You sit next to him on the couch, legs tucked under you and give him the hookah pipe to take the first pull.

He blows the soft tuft of smoke above your head before taking a deeper pull. A larger cloud of smoke floats out of his mouth. You’re mesmerized by the shape of his lips and the way he holds the clear plastic pink pipe in between his long fingers.

Levi wordlessly hands you the pipe after a few pulls. You lean against his shoulder and thread your fingers through his as you take a few generous pulls. Smoking from your hookah has become something of a stress relief for both of you- sometimes you ended your nights with a nice pack and just sat with each other. It was a good way to wind down after long days and long nights.

It was a habit you knew you  _ might _ be growing too old for, but you’ll deal with that later. 

You start to feel a little lightheaded, a little tipsy and give Levi the pipe back. “Did you have a good day today?” You ask softly, cradling his cheek with your hand.

He hums, “Wish they were paying me more at the internship. But I’m  _ here _ now.”

You understand his unspoken words-  _ I’m happy to be here now. _

“We’ll be okay soon, Levi,” You promise, “We’ll be outta here soon, baby.”

But for tonight, he only wants to think about you. Levi only wants to think about you, you in this pretty dress, you all pretty in his arms. So he puts the pipe on the table and drops the coal from the bowl, ignoring your noise of protest. Levi pulls you into his lap hastily, hands tight over your hips and wandering down to your ass.

“You should suck my cock,” Levi says bluntly, “It’s my birthday, after all.”

He’s only joking- really, he likes seeing the way you pout and protest at him. Like the princess that you are. “Le _ vi _ ,” You whine, “I did this morning, and I can’t get on my knees in this dress…”

“You’re right,” Levi muses, fingers tracing your sides, “This dress is too nice for you to ruin.”

“It’s your favorite dress,” You say. You’re proud of yourself and Levi finds it endearing. Levi draws you even closer and lays you over the couch with your back flat. He clasps the hem of the tight skirt of your dress and hikes it up to your waist and allows his fingers to graze the softness of your inner thighs. 

Fingers instantly thread through his dark, silky hair, tugging at his scalp. He groans into your skin, eyes fluttering at the feeling. Levi draws himself up over your body, slipping the thin, pink straps of your dress off of your shoulders and dropping kisses along the column of your neck. You tilt your neck to the side in your hazy stupor, giving him an eyeful of your glowing skin.

You’re so  _ pretty _ .

Levi kisses the spot behind your ear, the spot that never fails to make you sigh his name airily. He’s intoxicated by you, the sweet smell of your perfume mixed with his cologne clinging to your skin and wrapping you both in a pink bubble. Levi cradles your face with his hand, drawing your eyes towards him.

You leave him a little breathless- far more breathless than after a difficult boxing match. None of that has anything on the way you blink at him with hearts dotted in your eyes, or the way your lips are swollen from his kisses. And especially not the way you trace the hard planes of his chest with gentle calls of his name. 

His eyes are blazing, adoration stamped in his grey irises. Levi ducks his head for a sharp kiss, drawing a loud whimper out of you when he puts a little pressure over your neck. He squeezes a little harder when you whine impatiently and lock your legs around his narrow waist.

His angel in pink is just full of surprises.

Levi could kiss you for hours, the soft, wet feel of your red lips against his is something he wants to drown in. He’s certain your red lipstick stains his skin, but he pays it no mind. He knows you’ll get a kick out of it, but right now, you’re only focused on peeling him out of his shirt. You toss his dress shirt on the other side of the couch, where it lands on the armchair unassumingly.

Levi hisses when your lips brush over freshly healed bruises on his chest, but he doesn’t mind the slight sting. Levi firmly pushes you back towards the couch, an excited gasp ripping from your throat.

You like it when he shows off his strength for you. Specifically, when he manhandles you a little bit.

“Be good,” Levi murmurs raspily, taking your curious hands in his, “You gonna be my good girl? It’s my  _ birthday _ …”

You nod instantly, eager to please, “Y-yes. ‘M your  _ good girl _ …”

“Then keep your hands to yourself, angel,” Levi says and you pout at him. But you listen, struggling not to touch him.

Levi pushes the top of your dress down and unclasps your lacy black bra in quick succession, your tits spilling out easily. Your entire body pulses when his lips plaster over your chest, his lips sucking and tongue soothing as he slides down your body. 

He looks up at you from in between your legs, pleased when your eyes are hooded. You’re doing your best to listen to him, to not touch him. Just because he said so and you want to be  _ good _ for him. Levi hooks his hands around your hips, pulling you flush against his face. 

You buck your hips towards him and hope he doesn’t notice. He does, but says nothing, only pushing the skirt of your dress higher up on your waist. Leaving your legs bare and your clothed pussy in front of him for him to  _ devour _ . Levi dots your thighs in kisses before his head disappears in between your legs and rubs his thumb over your clothed clit. He presses a kiss there and you shudder, wanting to run your hands through his hair.

But you keep your hands to yourself.

Levi hums when he finally peels your panties off and puts them in the pocket of his pants, not wanting them to get dirty. You choke at the action, feeling your face heat up. Levi spreads your legs apart, hiking them over his shoulders and licks your core teasingly. His tongue is so wet and warm that you can’t help but buck your hips for more with a whine. You tighten your thighs around his head as he gathers your wetness with his thumb and circles your clit in the same motion. 

You grip the sofa cushions in an attempt to ground yourself. Your thighs tremble at the first swipe of his tongue over your folds and when he continues to circle your clit. Levi sucks your clit and pushes a finger into your dripping pussy, and you let out a strangled sort of noise. He pumps you a few strokes, your walls already clenching around his finger.

And then he just stops. You whine in annoyance, your brow furrowed and your lips pursed together in a pout. He only smirks at you wickedly, adding  _ another _ finger into you and holding still. You try to fuck yourself on his fingers, but he won’t have that.

“Thought you were gonna be my good girl,” Levi murmurs, palm flat against your hip.

“Mmm- _ please _ , baby,” You mumble, eyes beginning to fill with unshed tears, “I love you,  _ please _ touch me-”

“Alright, angel,” Levi acquiesces easily. He only wants to please you, wants to maybe see you cry on his cock, come apart with his hand wrapped around your pretty throat. “You know I love you.”

Your eyes light up at that, pout dissolving into a soft smile. Levi kisses your thigh once more and dips his head in between your legs. You move your foot so it’s flat against Levi’s back for more leverage, letting out a loud moan when his tongue presses into your pussy. You rock your hips into his face, nearly choking at the sight of his dark hair in between your legs. 

You don’t even realize how lewdly you’re calling his name, as he grinds his tongue into you as if you’re the sweetest honey he’s ever had.

Which you are. Because you’re his angel. You do well with being obedient, not allowing your hands to graze any part of him. So he looks up from in between your legs, your wetness dribbling down his chin and gives you a  _ look _ that makes your pussy flutter.

“Good girl,” Levi murmurs and ducks his head down once more. The soft praise shoots straight down your spine and Levi tastes it. He threads his fingers through yours and you gasp at his touch, squeezing greedily.

“You feel so  _ good _ , Levi,” You babble, “Love you, I love you so much-”

You cut yourself off with a wretched moan when Levi presses his tongue flat against your pussy  _ and _ strokes you with two long fingers in you. Levi knows when you’re close, when your thighs begin to tremble and when you start babbling to him as you are now.

He pumps you slowly, alternating between slow and fast as you gush for him on his tongue. Levi groans in between your legs, the sound reverberating through you and he eagerly laps up  _ another _ wave of wetness. 

“Look at you, angel,” Levi murmurs, pulling his tongue away to play with your clit as he presses kisses on your inner thighs.

“Yours, ‘m yours,” You slur, “ _ Please _ , baby, make me cum, I’m so  _ close _ …”

And since you asked so nicely, the lilt of your voice coated with silky adoration for  _ him _ and him only, he presses his tongue to your pussy once more. Your back arches instantly, thighs beginning to quiver when he sucks your clit and presses two fingers into you again. 

“Levi,  _ baby _ , please,” You beg with tears gathering in the corner of your eyes and dropping down your cheeks, “Love your mouth, love you so much. Wanna be with you always, wanna give you  _ everything _ …”

God, he loves you so much. The way your eyes water when you’re close, the way you wrap around him perfectly like this. There’s nothing that can compare to your softness meshing with all of his rough edges.

“Cum, baby,” Levi murmurs hoarsely, scissoring his fingers inside of you. He shifts so that he’s over your frame, his fingers still inside of you and kisses you harshly. You taste yourself on his lips, moaning into his mouth. You don’t have the strength to pull away as your orgasm is within reach once more. You clench desperately around his fingers before he’s about to slide down your body again but you stop him.

“N-no,” You mumble, “Kiss me, want you to kiss me.” You yank him down to you, pushing your lips to his impatiently as you rock into his fingers. You look up at him with your lips parted and with heated cheeks, as he rubs your clit with his thumb.

“C’mon angel, cum for me,” Levi says, a soft demand. The headiness of his voice and his blown out eyes make your toes curl. With another few rubs of your clit with his thumb, stars explode behind your eyelids, your heart is about to beat right out of your chest and Levi holds you steady as you ride out your high.

Levi slides down your body to lap up your wetness and you close your legs instinctively from oversensitivity. Your thighs jump at his sudden touch over your clit and you try to shove him away but he pulls off of you himself, hovering above you and settling in your arms.

You give him a dazed, happy smile. Levi licks his lips, letting saliva gather on his tongue and presses his thumb to your chin.

“Open, angel,” He breathes. When you part your lips eagerly, red lipstick long smudged, he drops a ball of spit onto your waiting tongue and watches the bob of your throat as you swallow eagerly. Levi kisses you, coating your bottom lip with spit, just the way you like.

You grin at him, a little messy, a little in love. Levi’s cock jumps as he looks at you below him.

“You’re messy,” Levi says fondly, cradling your cheek.

“You like me messy,” You wink at him and wrap your legs around his waist to push him down to your chest. He rests his weight on top of you and you can feel the hard press of his cock against your thigh. You grind into him teasingly, lightly scratching at his undercut.

“I made dessert for you,” You say forlornly, “Made lemon tarts. With blackberries on top.”

“Lemme have  _ you _ on top and then we’ll eat your tarts,” Levi says, earning himself a smack to the chest. 

Levi carries you to his bedroom after that, and you don’t end up eating the lemon tarts until most of the city has fallen asleep and flurries begin to come down from the sky.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. in rotation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you come to one of levi’s matches and you can’t stand it.

You’re most  _ definitely _ out of place here. You don’t belong here- in fact, you hadn’t even really wanted to come. 

You’re not particularly keen on watching your boyfriend-who’s not your boyfriend- get punched in the face or in the stomach. 

Even if you’re wearing one of Levi’s leather jackets, it’s still obvious that you don’t belong there. Under his jacket, you’re wearing a pretty pink crop top and a gold necklace at the base of your throat. Peachy gloss is meticulously swiped over your lips and you had just gotten your nails done a pretty cherry red.

You don’t belong here. You bounce your foot on the concrete ground nervously as you sit in your seat, a few rows away from the boxing ring.

You eye the people around you in mild disgust. How do these people get off on watching others  _ pummel _ each other? 

You had told Levi that you were too soft for this, but he disagreed with you vehemently. He had said that you were stronger than you let on, than what you let people see.

What a  _ poet. _

The crowd around you even has signs with their favorite boxers painted on them. You hear choruses of cheers and boos, and it only grows louder when Levi steps into the ring. 

He had told you that people liked him. You didn’t realize that  _ this _ many people liked him-

_ “You’re worrying for nothing,” Levi says easily. He’s been trying to convince you to come to his next match. You’ve gone this long pushing it off, but he really wants you there. You don’t know if you have the stomach to withstand it. _

_ “I’m worrying for nothing?” You exclaim, “Seriously? Don’t just dismiss me, you ass-” _

_ “I’m good at this,” Levi says somewhat cockily in a low voice, taking your hands in his and squeezing, “You trust me, princess?” _

_ “You can’t just-seduce me whenever I disagree with you! Don’t look at me like that!” _

_ “I’m not lookin’ at you like anything, you brat,” Levi rolls his eyes, “So you’ll come?” _

_ “No. I have an exam the next day,” You lie straight through your teeth, “I have to study.” _

_ “You don’t have exams for the next two weeks,” Levi counters, squeezing your wrist gently, “Don’t make me beg.” _

_ “Maybe you should beg more often, baby.” _

And in the end, he had won of course. Because Levi hardly ever loses. So here you were, in the middle of this stuffy, gross smelling boxing ring. Where your man was propped up in the ring with the spotlights shining on him. He looks good, in his element, you’ll admit. Levi’s muscles flex for the crowd, hardly giving them a second glance. 

He searches for you in the crowd, but with the lights it’s impossible to make your face out. He hopes you’re watching.

He has a promise to keep after all.

Levi stretches his neck and jogs in place for a few seconds before Zeke Yeager steps into the ring. 

“You know his weak spots,” Erwin says, his voice hushed. But Levi hears him loud and clear despite the noise. “We’ve been training for this.”

Levi nods, bracing himself as he looks at Zeke in disgust. This is the first time he’s fought Zeke, but he’s heard terrible rumors about him. About how he fights dirty.

Levi’s ready for it. They don’t call him Humanity’s Strongest for nothing, after all.

***

Your eyes widen, a shocked, strangled gasp leaving your lips when you see Zeke square up with Levi. 

The boxing match hasn’t even started and you already want to leave. Your heart thrums painfully in anticipation. You curl further into Levi’s jacket but not even the remnants of his smoky scent swirling over your shoulders comforts you. Balling your fists in the pockets of his jacket, you try to watch.

Levi is fast, much faster than Zeke. Even  _ you _ had heard of Zeke- of his less than stellar reputation and tactics in the ring. Granted, most of it was from Levi. But still.

Zeke hardly lands a punch on Levi- he’s far too fast for him. He moves as if he’s dancing in a gritty ballet, his feet light in the ring and his movements sharp and calculated.

But the roar of the crowd around you is nothing to your scream when Zeke gains his footing and rams his boxing glove into Levi’s face. Levi looks surprised when small rivers of blood begin to trickle down his face.

Erwin’s shouting for the referee to call a foul. But the match continues on.

Dirty. This is what they meant. Zeke had struck him with the laces of his gloves, and by the smirk on his face, he knows  _ exactly _ what he’s doing.

Levi pays it no mind. Even if he does play dirty, he can still take him. Levi comes at Zeke, hurling himself to the left and right and jabbing him wherever he sees an opening.

You scream again with nearly closed eyes when Zeke gains some momentum and jabs him below the belt. Once-twice-three times. Levi doubles over and groans with a wince, barely getting out of the way to avoid another punch.

But still, Levi moves with the same speed and the same power. He keeps you in his mind’s pocket as he moves swiftly, determined to fulfill his promise to you.

That he wouldn’t lose in front of you. You had said it was a silly thing to promise, that you don’t care if he wins or loses. You only want him safe. 

But he cares. So he won’t lose.

Another series of dirty jabs. The referee doesn’t call it. Levi knows his stomach is going to bruise by tomorrow. Zeke looks far more winded than he does, but he still throws a smirk over to him when it’s break time. 

Levi chugs half of a bottle of water, narrowing his eyes at Zeke as Erwin murmurs to him to be careful. 

You don’t know if you can take this- if you can manage the hammering of your heart and the sinking pit in your belly. He’s graceful and majestic as he moves, flitting about like the wind. But still, tears line your eyes. 

It’s hard for you to watch. But you understand why he feels like he has to do this. And he’s nothing if not stubborn.

Levi manages several jabs at Zeke, sending him stumbling backwards. But he just bounces back and punches him below the belt  _ again _ . And there’s no referee whistle. Nothing. 

Levi takes a deep breath. He needs to end this. If not for himself, then for you.

But he doesn’t realize that you’ve already abruptly stood up and dashed away from the ring and into the locker room. You can’t watch him, you can’t watch his tattooed skin begin to bloom with bruises. You don’t have the stomach for it.

It’s all too much. 

***

In the end, he does win. Even if he feels like doubling over and laying on the floor for a few hours and even if he feels like his body is about to give out…

He wins. Despite Zeke’s dirty tricks, Levi is crowned the winner and he’s a  _ lot _ richer than he was coming in.

He looks for you immediately in the crowd. But he doesn’t see you. Maybe you had to use the restroom?

But he finds you in the men’s locker room, with your head in your hands. Your eyes are red-rimmed, lips pulled in an irritated pout. 

You start to cry again, silently as he watches you.

Levi kneels in front of you, hands on your thighs. He winces as he crouches but his touch is gentle. 

“Did you win?” You ask weakly, pulling his hand into yours.

“Yes,” Levi murmurs, tipping your chin up to meet his eyes, “I promised you I would.”

“I couldn’t watch,” You say shakily, “Couldn’t watch you get hurt.”

You won’t apologize for it- you have nothing to apologize for, after all.

Levi leans his forehead against yours for a few seconds. Your trembling fingers ghost over the side of his face, where there are still fresh cuts. “It’s not usually like that. Zeke is fuckin’ dirty,” Levi offers.

You scoff.

“I love you,” You mumble, “One day, it’ll be enough.  _ We’ll _ be enough.”

Levi kisses you, devouring you in a mess of fire and burning, all at once. 

***

“One more, princess,” Levi groans into your neck as your back arches off of the icy metal of the lockers. He rolls his hips into yours again, your favorite rhythm, and you rake your nails over his shoulders, crescents forming into the corded muscle.

A fleeting thought enters your mind- maybe it’s hurting him. But you let it float out immediately. He can take a little pain.

But it’s never pain, not if it’s you.

“C-Can’t,” You sob, eyes welling up with tears, “Too much-”

You clench around him without meaning to and he presses his lips to your neck, sucking a mark to quiet his groan. Levi has already made you come three times- twice on his tongue and once with his cock.

Your initial protest that someone might walk in has long fallen on your list of priorities. Both of you know that the door isn’t locked- it’s only by sheer luck that nobody’s walked in yet to find you hoisted up in Levi’s arms, your skirt messily flipped up to your waist, and your legs locked around his narrow waist.

“You can,” Levi says, eyes blazing into yours, “You  _ can _ …”

Levi circles your clit with his thumb, easily holding you steady. He slows the harsh rolls of his hips, stilling inside of you. His cock throbs as your pussy flutters around him. 

“Bet you can cum like this, princess,” Levi says, nosing at your neck, “I only wanna see you cry like this-

“Never wanna see you cry ‘cause of me. Only like this,” He begs you, pleading and pressing soft kisses to your lips.

“Levi,” You whine softly, your voice echoing within the thin walls of the locker room, “Fuck me, Levi.  _ Please _ -”

_ “Thought you didn’t want more,”  _ is nearly on the tip of his tongue. But he refrains from saying anything, only giving you what you want. As he’ll always try his best to do.

Levi holds you steady with an arm around your waist and wraps his hand around your neck. He knows you’ll cum quickly- you always do when you’re sensitive.

But in between his soft gasps, how he bites your shoulder to muffle his moans, your not so quiet calls of his name, and your shriek when you finally  _ do _ cum, neither of you hear the door opening and closing quickly.

Neither of you see a pair of bright green eyes glance over at both of you. Specifically, at  _ you _ .

Neither of you see it.

  
  
  
  



	5. poisoned apples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you tell your parents about levi and they aren’t too happy. so you do the logical thing and break up with him.

The first time you had told Levi that your parents wouldn’t approve of him, he had shrugged it off. What did it matter, anyway? He’s never known you to care very much about what other people think.

But your parents’ approval was different.

You’ve always been the apple of their eye, their youngest princess who could and would do no wrong. Even when you kept your grades up in high school, when you were the picture perfect daughter- they didn’t know what you were up to. You had maintained your image of innocence until the moment you could move out for college.

They didn’t know what you were up to behind the scenes in college. And now, in graduate school.

They didn’t know that you smoked with your boyfriend, that your boyfriend had split knuckles from boxing more often than not. But they  _ also _ don’t know that your boyfriend works two jobs to support his sick mother, that he’s in the top ten percent of his masters in computer science program and will surely have a job lined up after graduation.

They don’t know that you love him. They don’t know how much he loves you- how he’d walk the ends of the earth for you. How he’s your pillar, your  _ person _ . They don’t know that despite the cold steel of his eyes, he has the biggest beating heart of anyone you know.

Because you haven’t told them. You know your parents better than anyone- that they’ll judge him before they know him. 

You’ve been together  _ officially _ for the better part of nearly a year. And officially, it’s been a little longer. Levi can tell when something’s on your mind by this point- from how your pout turns a little thoughtful and your eyes are far away.

He wraps an arm around your shoulders and rubs your upper arm. “What is it?” Levi asks quietly.

“Huh?” You ask, breaking out of your reverie and turning your gaze towards him. A fading bruise sits on his jaw, and you thumb the area around it tenderly.

“You’re quiet today.”

“Maybe I’m just tired.”

Levi raises his eyebrow at you, as if to wordlessly say “really?”

You’re silent for a few moments before sighing and leaning into his chest. “I think I want to tell my parents about you.”

Levi will  _ never _ pressure you about things like that- he knows where he stands with you and you know where you stand with him. But he won’t deny the small upturn of his lips.

“I’ve already met your mom and your uncle,” You continue softly, “I think I’ll tell them.”

You’ve told Levi about your parents before- about how you had to secretly and cleverly maneuver through the invisible rules they had you under. How you still find trouble spreading your wings. How most of your childhood was mainly you being told not to bring trouble, that your parents had it hard as it was-

_ “Always knew it.” _

_ “What did you know?” You roll your eyes at him. _

_ “You’re naughty,” Levi smirks, “You put up this pretty princess persona. But I know you. You’re smart and vicious and not afraid to get dirty.” _

“You sure? You know it’s nothin’ to me if you wanna wait,” Levi murmurs, nose in your hair.

“Yeah,” You nod, “I think it’s about time. I… want them to know you.

“I love you,” You say almost shyly and Levi drops a slow kiss to your lips in response.

And that’s that.

***

Needless to say, the next time you saw your parents a few weeks later you were planning on telling them about Levi. Nerves seized you- despite your attempts at convincing yourself that they’d be happy for you- that you’d found someone who loves you wholly and completely…. You can’t help but think that something is about to go wrong.

It’s over dinner that you’re planning on telling them. Your older brother and older sister are in town as well, and are helping Mom with setting the table as you wash the pots and pans.

This is where you grew up, and yet you’ve never felt so uncomfortable.

Once there are five plates of hot food and glasses of water in front of your parents and your siblings, you take a deep breath.

“I have something to tell you,” You say clearly, resisting the urge to pick at the hem of your brown corduroy skirt.

Four pairs of eyes turn to you curiously and expectantly.

“I’m seeing someone,” You say, your voice a little less confident than before. Mom gasps excitedly, bringing a moment of relief to your senses. Your siblings stare at you unnervingly, as if they can see right through you. Dad only looks at you with wide eyes.

You don’t know what to think.

“Tell us about him!” Mom says eagerly.

“Umm… well,” You stammer with heated cheeks, “He treats me well. We go to the same school, he’s doing a masters in computer science…”

_ That _ makes Mom and Dad’s eyes light up. You roll your eyes. Still, your siblings say nothing.

“Show me a picture,” Mom demands, stretching her hand out for your phone. Desperation for her approval clings to your heart like a synapse that never stopped surging. 

“He looks oddly familiar…” Mom murmurs with narrowed eyes, “Do you know him? Where do I know him from...” She turns her head to your brother and sister. 

They’ve never been particularly good at lying. Or rather, this time- they just didn’t want to. 

“That’s the guy,” Your sister says, not meeting your eyes, “The one we saw her with. The one we told you is in a fight club-”

Your jaw drops, and no noise comes out of your throat. Horror lines your tongue and you have to squeeze your nails into your palms to stop panic from flooding your veins.

But your brother is shameless and always has been. He looks you dead in the face, something cruel spinning in his irises and says, “His name’s Levi. Ackerman. We saw-”

“So you’re  _ spying _ on me now?” You hiss, the full weight of their actions not quite hitting you, “You both don’t have anything fuckin’ better to do?”

Mom gasps at your language. You scoff at her, throwing a nasty look her way. She deflates only slightly- because she’s never seen such a look on your face before.

“You’re our  _ baby sister _ ,” Your brother says, and you stand abruptly from the table, pointing an accusing finger at him. “We only want you safe.”

“I don’t need your concern!” You hiss at him, eyes narrowed to slits and flames licking your words.

“If it wasn’t for us, you’d be parading around with a washout who boxes  _ illegally _ ! You should be thanking us,” Your sister says, returning your fire.

“ _ No _ ,” You seethe as tears of frustration spring into your eyes, “He treats me well, he’s so good to me. He respects me, isn’t that what matters?”

Before anyone can counter you-

“ _ Enough! _ ” Dad bellows as he stands from his seat. The heat in your belly extinguishes, but only barely. You tear your blazing eyes away from your siblings and to your father, about to scream right back at him. 

“If this is true,” Dad continues, “If this  _ Levi _ boxes illegally-”

“He doesn’t have money either, Dad,” Your sister supplies. 

“Oh my  _ god _ ,” You screech, “You’re such a-”

“If this is true, you won’t be seeing him anymore. I don’t want to hear about this again. And if you think about seeing him behind our backs… we’ll know. And you won’t be getting that tuition money for school anymore.”

You’ve never hated them as much as you did right at that moment.

***

Your heart hasn’t felt the same since you were home that weekend. It’s been a few days, and you haven’t reached out to Levi yet.

You need to break up with him, you know it. You won’t risk your education on him, no matter how awful it is for your parents to very much blackmail you with it.

It hurts that you don’t have their approval. 

You’re delaying the inevitable. So when Levi shows up to your apartment on the following Wednesday with your dinner from your favorite Thai restaurant, you feel your heart shattering already. 

“Hey, princess,” Levi says smoothly, dropping the food to the dining table and trying to pull you into his arms for a kiss. You turn your cheek at the last minute, not able to look him in the eye. 

Levi immediately knows something is wrong- you’re never this silent. Your hands are pressed against his chest, almost holding him away from you. 

In the last year and change that he’s known you, he’s never known you to reject his touch. Not like this.

“What’s wrong?” Levi asks, cradling your cheek. Your lips are parted, a shaky exhale expelling from them. Your eyes are a little red and puffy.

You’ve been crying. You’ve been crying and he had no idea.

“Levi,” You mumble in a small voice. As if you’re trying to memorize the way his name feels on your tongue.

“Princess,” Levi replies, worry beginning to creep into him.

“I told my parents about us,” You mumble, the confession adding to the tension of the room, “And my brother and sister.”

He stays quiet, waiting for you to continue.

“I can’t… they said I can’t be with you. They said they won’t help me with school if I’m with you,” You mutter, feeling foolish as the words slip from your lips, “They don’t want me to be with you.”

Levi steps back from you exactly two steps and it feels like he’s plunged a knife into your chest. The loss of his touch echoes in the emptiness of your hands. You cross your arms across your chest unsurely. He stares at you in silence for a few deafening moments. Your ears might bleed from the silence.

“So what are you saying?” He finally asks after a minute.

“That I can’t be with you. I-I’m… I’m breaking up with you, Levi,” You finally muster out. Unshed tears sit in your eyes and Levi is too in love with you to resist comforting you when you’re this distressed- even if you’re breaking up with him and breaking his heart.

Levi gathers you in his arms and thumbs away your falling tears.  _ You _ broke up with  _ him _ , and he’s comforting you- the thought makes you choke out another sob.

You both stand like that for a few minutes, your tears staining his black coat. The silence between you both is palpable and suffocating. 

The only viable option you see is letting him go. But you don’t want to,  _ god, _ you don’t want to- not when this man is your other half. When he’s your best friend, your favorite person, not when he gives meaning to the word  _ love _ . 

Levi finally speaks.

“I won’t tell you what to do. But just know I’ll treat you right and you’ll never feel caged with me,” Levi murmurs, tendrils of adoration tinting his words, “I love you.”

He presses a long kiss to your forehead before leaving your apartment. His kiss feels unfamiliar, and when your knees buckle and you’re on the floor, a sobbing mess, you realize why-

It tasted like goodbye.

***

One month. Two month. Then  _ three _ .

You’ve never been the girl helplessly in love. You’ve never been the girl who wouldn’t be able to get by without the reciprocated love from your lover. You’ve never been the type to spiral recklessly. You’ve always been  _ fine _ after breakups and dates that had gone sideways.

You can live without Levi, but you don’t want to.

But loving and losing Levi hurts worse than any kind of pain. You see him everywhere on campus- a tuft of silky, black hair here, a glance of a similar looking backpack there… You even think you see him at the coffee shop that you met him at. If you were stronger, you’d avoid that coffee shop altogether. But you don’t want to let go of the memory of your first time meeting him, and you don’t want to let go of the opportunity to watch you both in your mind’s eye.

Everything reminds you of him. Everything brings tears to your eyes. You’re just a stupid girl in love with a man you can’t have.

You haven’t spoken to your siblings since that day, despite their many attempts to reach out to you. Texts, claiming that they were just looking out for you and that they loved you, went unanswered by you.

You can’t bear to speak to them. You think if you’d ever muster the courage to reach out to him again… You wonder what you might do. A small part of you hates that your family still has this grip over you- that you’re in love with a man who respects and loves you and protects you, and because  _ they _ don’t approve- you can’t be with him.

You hate it. You hate that you succumbed to it. You hate that you hurt him- the heartbroken kiss he had given you has been replaying in your mind every day. Every night.

It still hurts as if it’s fresh, as if three months haven’t gone by since you broke up with him. You often wonder what Levi is doing-

After all, he hadn’t put up any type of fight for you. But you don’t allow those thoughts to get very far. It’s not like  _ you _ had positioned it as something to discuss. You had made the final call and pulled the trigger on your relationship. 

It was because of you. Was it worth it? To break up with him? For your family’s perceived happiness?

The questions leave a dull ache in your heart. You feel as if you’ve been spoiled with his love, and you had carelessly ripped his heart into shreds.

Today, you’re walking to one of your exams in your building and you  _ swear _ you catch sight of Levi’s hair in the atrium of the building. But it’s gone as quick as it comes. And you head inside, putting thoughts of Levi behind you to focus on your exam.

***

Levi has been distracted for the last three months. Even if it doesn’t show- even if he’s doing spectacular in school, even if he’s on a new win streak in the boxing ring- his mind is almost always elsewhere.

His mind is always on you. What are you doing? Do you miss him? Is your relationship with your family improving? Is it  _ worth _ it?

He’ll never tell you what to do, or what decisions to make. He only wants you to make a decision with no regrets, if that decision is truly what you want.

But damn, he wonders if you regret  _ this  _ decision. Levi has always been good at compartmentalizing- he lives by the same philosophy. Make a choice with no regrets. He’ll never regret following your lead and giving you what you want.

But what if you hadn’t wanted it? And what if… he hadn’t wanted it either?

Levi sees you more and more in the last month or so- showing up to places that you both used to frequent as a couple and places on campus. The coffee shop, some of your lecture hall buildings. He remains in the background, as a shadow. Only to catch a glimpse of you. Are you happy? 

Your eyes are sullen, your smile dimmed. But he’s sure nobody can tell. Because you’re good at that- being the perfect princess.

He feels like a ghost in his own life. Is this living?

Levi  _ has _ to move on. He loves you, his love for you still burns as bright as it did months ago. But he has to move on.

***

Erwin tells you that there’s a boxing match tonight. It’s the finals of  _ whatever _ the equivalent of playoffs in the boxing world is-

_ “He’d like it if you were there,” Erwin says, voice uncharacteristically soft. _

_ “So he can tell me himself,” You say somewhat bitterly, “We’re not...together anymore.” _

_ You choke. _

_ “You and I both know he won’t tell you himself. Not when you broke up with him.” _

_ “So it’s my fault then?” You exclaim. Erwin only watches you with wary, calm eyes. _

_ “I’m only telling you what’s true. You don’t have to come, but he’d like it if you were there.” _

Over the last few weeks, really since the first night without Levi, regret has been settling in your bones. Had you made the right decision? Was it worth it, to be this unhappy? Just to maintain harmony with your family? You think if you hadn’t rushed to break up with him, you could have talked about it. Levi has always been level-headed, almost  _ too _ level-headed (like the way he had just accepted you breaking up with him). 

You think you could conquer anything with Levi standing next to you.

You can’t stay away. So you’re in the stands of the ring, watching Levi warily. He looks good- he’s bulked up a little. But you can see the lines of weariness beneath his eyes. 

You still ache for him. You are still his. Seeing him this close only solidifies what you already knew. 

You are undisputedly his. And he is yours.

Watching him, throw punch after punch, and sidestep jab after jab… All for his mother. To support his family. 

Tears well up in your eyes. You want to be part of his family. The epiphany hits you like a freight train- but it’s a welcome one. 

You want to love him the way you know how. You want him to love you.

You wait in the locker room for him, anticipation surging up your spine as you pace around the locker room.

***

Erwin looks like he’s got a stick up his ass, and Levi doesn’t hesitate to mention it. Levi rolls his eyes and walks into the men’s locker room.

But nothing prepares him for the sight he sees in front of him.

It’s  _ you _ . 

It’s you, sitting on the bench, looking as pretty as ever. Gold hoops hang from your ears, a sunflower yellow blouse with the top three buttons unbuttoned and a plum colored skirt hugs your hips.

You bite your bottom lip, tearing through your skin mercilessly. Your heart slams right out of your ribcage. His eyes are narrowed at you, drinking you in. 

He’s a man dehydrated and you are his oasis.

Before you can whisper his name, he beats you to it. “Why are you here?” Levi asks sharply. His voice is flat, but you can hear the undercurrent of anger in his voice. Hurt masked by anger.

“Yeah, I missed you, too,” You mutter, standing up from the bench. You keep your distance from him, feeling the iciness in his glare. “Erwin told me you were fighting today. Somethin’ about the playoffs. Just...wanted to see you.”

He quirks a thin eyebrow at you. “Wanted to see me three months later?”

You immediately get defensive, “It’s not like you were dying to see me, either.”

A flicker of annoyance, “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“You just let me go- you could’ve… You could’ve fought for me! You just fuckin’ let me go,” You exclaim in frustration, tears pricking your eyes.

“Don’t- you picked your family,” Levi says harshly, “When we could’ve figured it out together, you  _ chose _ to be alone. Don’t put that on me.”

“I didn’t know what else to do! I thought I was doing the right thing,” You hiss, tears falling down your cheeks openly now. You’ve never been good at hiding your feelings from Levi. “You just let me go. As if the last year meant nothing to you-”

“The last year meant  _ nothing _ to me?” Levi asks, his voice perfectly level. He takes a few steps closer to you and your breath hitches.

Your head is spinning. He hasn’t been this close to you in months- and yet it feels like no time has passed. 

“I love you,” Levi says quietly, “We would’ve figured it out. If the last year meant nothing to me then,  _ this _ ,” Levi darts out, grabbing your hand and pressing it to his bare left pec, “Wouldn’t be yours. It’s always yours, princess. But  _ damn _ , baby. It hurt.”

“Levi,” Your voice is strangled, in  _ pain _ , “I’m sorry, my love-”

“You made a choice,” Levi says pointedly, “Do you regret it?"

“ _ Yes _ ,” You breathe, “But I’m scared for us, for  _ you- _ ”

“We’ll figure it out,” Levi promises, cradling your face in his rough hands. He catches your stray tears with his thumb and presses his forehead to yours.

“I missed you,” You choke out with a sob, “So fuckin’ much. I’m sorry, I hurt you. I hurt us. I love you, I love you, I love you. I know we have so much to work through. But I love you, and I believe in you.”

“Let’s go home,” Levi mumbles, resisting the urge to drop kisses to your forehead, your cheek, your lips.

***

“Will you let me love you,” Levi rasps, cupping your cheek as he rocks into you slowly. The head of his cock brushes against your walls prettily, as if no time has passed since the last time.

He belongs here, inside of you like this. You mold to him and he molds to you.

Levi squeezes your waist, dipping his head for a harsh kiss. He kisses you as if he’s loved you for a thousand years, and he’ll love you for a thousand more. He peppers soft kisses to your face and you moan into his touch, notes of his name escaping your lips.

“I love you,” Levi grunts as he rolls his hips into yours in movements of honey.

He’s not usually this talkative. But he knows you both need it. Levi sucks a mark, then another, over your tits and you tug your hands through his hair.

“Baby,” You whine, “Wanna give you  _ everything _ ...Love you, I love you fuck, I’m sorry I hurt you-”

“You  _ are _ everything,” Levi says, his nose in your neck, “Gonna give you everything, princess.  _ Fuck _ -”

Levi nearly loses his rhythm at the gush of wetness that floods his cock. He groans and looks between you both, at the way his cock pushes into your wet pussy. This is where he belongs, in between your soft thighs.

You take Levi’s hand in between yours and squeeze. You think you could stay like this forever, with him moving so unhurriedly above you. His hips melting with yours, the broad expanse of his back pliant under your nails.

“Be mine again,” You beg, “Please, baby, be mine again-”

“Will you let me love you,” Levi asks again, gazing deep into your eyes.

“Yes,  _ yes _ ,” You moan, “Like that, baby-  _ fuck _ , o-oh-  _ Levi _ …” You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him even closer to you as your tits brush against his glistening chest. You see the moon gazing at you through his irises.

You want everything, and he  _ is _ everything.

***

You’re boneless in his arms, tucked into his side with the sheets covering your bare body. A leg is thrown over his waist and you rub mindless circles over his chest as he holds you close. Not wanting to let you go. 

Your breaths are soft against his warmed skin. Your eyes are still puffy, from crying but Levi always thinks you’re pretty. 

And having you in his arms, in his bed, after three months is an added plus.

“I meant it,” You mumble sleepily, “I love you.”

“What about your family?” Levi asks, squeezing the hand resting on his chest.

“I don’t know,” You say shakily, “I’m scared. But wanna figure it out with you. For you, it’s worth it. For you, everything is worth it.”

Levi only answers you with a soft kiss that makes your toes curl. He doesn’t know what tomorrow might bring, but he has you today. After this long, he has you for today. 

And tomorrow will come, the sun and moon will rise separately, but you’ll get through it together.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. wonderland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your body is a wonderland (and so is Levi’s). In which you’re supposed to study with Levi but you’re at brunch and what happens at brunch does Not stay at brunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy another installment of perpendicular…something small (and im testing the waters with this kind of smut lmao)

Levi should have known that the moment your texts to him stopped altogether, that studying would  _ not _ be happening tonight. You had gone out to brunch with your girlfriends around noon, just for some good food, plus or minus mimosas as you had coyly said to him before he left-

_ “You don’t even like champagne,” Levi rolls his eyes. _

_ “Who said anything about champagne? I want...a tequila sunrise. Maybe a screwdriver,” You say mischievously.  _

_ “Way to disguise an excuse to drink under the guise of brunch,” Levi says, “Don’t forget, we’re studying together tonight.” _

_ “How could I forget,” You say and kiss his cheek before leaving his apartment to meet up with your friends. He squeezes your ass as you leave, and you playfully wink at him as you walk out of the front door. _

That had been nearly five hours ago. Your texts to him had progressively gotten less intelligible as time went on. He knows you love a good time, especially with your girlfriends. 

It’s been a while since the last time you had drank with your friends, and so the fact that it had only taken likely an hour or two for you to become tipsy doesn’t surprise him. It also doesn’t surprise him when you call him-

“Baby,” You say, you sound like you’re smiling as you speak. He can hear your friends giggling around you and laughing loudly. 

“Hey,” Levi says, fondly rolling his eyes at the tipsy lilt to your voice.

“Wha’ you doin’,” You slur with a giggle.

“Waitin’ for you to come home, so we can study,” Levi says bluntly. Though he knows studying is the last thing on your mind.

“Yeah,” You say seriously, “Baby. Havta ask somethin’.”

“Want me to pick you up?” Levi asks and hears your sigh of relief. Of course, he’ll pick you up. Why wouldn’t he?

He’s scolded you many times before for not calling him to pick you up when you needed a ride. It had confused you at first, why he was so insistent when you could just take an Uber. But you grew to understand, the more you got to know him. It was just how he was wired- he’d much prefer you to be safe with him if you can be.

“Yes, please,” You chirp, “Love you. Nanaba and Nifa say they love you, too.”

Levi audibly scoffs, much to your delight.

“Be there in fifteen. Stay in one place, you brat.”

You only laugh and murmur again that you love him before hanging up the phone.

***

It’s not your fault Levi looks as good as he does. Does he know how much self control it takes for you to keep your hands to yourself? 

You’re impatient, so Levi should know you better than to be able to contain yourself. He shouldn’t be as surprised as he looks in your hazy vision when you lean over to press a needy kiss to his lips as he opens the passenger door for you. 

Nifa and Nanaba are already in the car (snickering to themselves) and Levi rolls his eyes and gently ushers you inside. Your alcohol addled mind takes no offense to his soft but firm rejection of your kiss. You know how he is, how he doesn’t like public displays of affection. Even if it’s your friends. But still, you can’t help it sometimes. You can’t resist the urge to plant a kiss to his slightly chapped lips. 

Your eyes wander, to take in his chiseled jaw, the softness of his hands and the way his thighs look in his jeans. You sigh audibly, but only Levi catches it. Nifa and Nanaba are talking straight to you, and somehow you manage to respond even though your head is cloudy with thoughts of Levi.

Namely, thoughts of Levi’s hands on you, his tongue down your throat, in between your legs, his long fingers in-

Levi turns his head to you, already somehow knowing where your thoughts are going. He’s very well acquainted with your drunken antics.

When he drops Nifa and Nanaba off at their respective apartment buildings, he waits for them to go inside and for them to text him that they’re in their apartments. You love how considerate and caring he is, your stoic man seemingly made of marble.

Another audible sigh of desire escapes your glossy, peach stained lips. Levi knows if he looks at you, you’ll have hearts in your eyes. It’s his favorite look on you, when you look at him with your bottom lip in between your teeth. 

You reach over before he puts the car in drive and press your fingers to his jaw and tilt his face to yours. You surge forward to press your lips to his impatiently and Levi can taste the lingering sting of tequila on your lips. You fumble for the seat belt buckle and try to maneuver yourself in his lap to touch him as much as you can. You want to feel him move against you, his hands on your hot skin, his hips in tune with yours.

But he stops you with a hand curled around your cheek and you complain at him.

“‘M not doin’ that here,” Levi says hoarsely, “I know  _ you _ don’t care about who sees but I do.”

“I jus’ wanna kiss you,” You huff, “Guess that’s t’much to ask for now.”

“I guess so, huh?”

***

And yet, it seems that Levi’s previous dismissal of you has gone to waste. Because the driver seat is bent all the way back, you’re seated in his lap- specifically on his cock- and his hands are working on unbuttoning your pretty mint green blouse. He holds your black skirt to your hips, wanting to see his cock pushing in and out of you as you bounce in his lap.

His mouth is immediately on your chest once he unclasps your bra, tossing it to the side. You hum happily, as he presses wet kisses to your heated skin, never breaking away from touching you. 

Levi squeezes your thighs, smacking lightly when you clench around him. Your wet heat is his sweet honey that calls him home.

“Fuck,” You mumble, “Levi, y’feel so fuckin’ good- _ oh!” _

Levi rolls his hips and rubs your clit with his thumb, mesmerized by the way your lips part in pleasure. 

“You like this,” Levi drawls, “Anyone could see you, with your tits out like this. Princess doesn’t care, does she?”

Another gush of wetness at his words. You press your chest to his chest, lips connecting with his neck to muffle your moans. 

You won’t deny that his words send a jolt of excitement through you. That’s something to revisit later, when your horny brain isn’t in the front seat. 

“Look at you,” Levi rasps, “Takin’ my cock so well…”

“Thought y-you didn’t want,” You moan loudly when he swivels his hips, “Didn’t want to fuck me in the car. L-look-  _ fuck _ !”

Levi snakes a hand up to your throat and squeezes harshly, just the way you like. You gasp, your pussy fluttering at the sudden lack of air. 

“You’re such a  _ brat _ ,” Levi hisses, “Shut up, and take my cock.”

You whimper, your jaw slack at his words. It’s not the first time he’s been mean to you when he’s been inside you, and to your surprise- you love it every time. 

“Baby,” You whine, “‘m close, baby. I love you, love your cock. Love you s-“

“You talk too much,” Levi nearly snarls and you gasp. Tears spring into your eyes when he stills inside of you immediately and you whine, trying to bounce on his cock but he holds your hips steady. 

He’s testing the waters. He’s curious.

“Levi,” You mumble, “Love you, love you s’much-”

Levi cuts you off, yanking you closer to him by your neck and pressing a searing kiss to your lips. His hands are everywhere, his low moans and pants filling your ears.

You could get off to the sound of him alone. And you have before.

“ _ Fuck _ , I love you,” Levi groans, his voice low and his arm tight around your hips, “My princess. I love you.”

And how corny is it that his soft declaration of love is what has your pussy fluttering over his cock, has you spasming in his arms and moaning his name in his ear? 

You scratch at his chest as you come down, lips nipping his jaw and he spills inside of you with a low, strangled groan. He stays inside you for a few minutes- he knows you like that. You like how close it feels, how you can feel his heartbeat beneath your hands and his cock pulsing in your pussy at the same time. It’s when he’s the softest with you, caressing your cheeks, letting his fingers slide up and down your back.

But in the car, his movements are limited.

His hands curl around the necklace at the base of your throat fondly- it’s the one he had bought for you a few months ago. He wanted at least  _ one _ thing for you to have that reminded you of him- something you liked, something you could always have. You had scolded him for it, insisting that he save his money and not waste it on you. 

But it’s never a waste, not if it’s for you. (Besides, it had only been once, and Levi isn’t stupid enough to splurge just yet when you’re both still in graduate school and are still trying to make ends meet).

“Hey,” Levi says, nudging you with his cheek, “Let’s go home. We smell like sex, and I don’t want to get cum on my seats-”

“That sounds like a you problem,” You roll your eyes and then smile devilishly. You slowly (and reluctantly) pull yourself off of him, sighing at the loss of his cock. But your eyes glint mischievously when you lift your skirt and your fingers dip in between your legs, gathering cum on your fingertips. 

Levi is  _ not _ surprised when you lick your fingers salaciously, coyly looking at him.

“If you’re sober enough to fuck in this car, then you’re sober enough to study with me,” Levi says dryly, fastened your bra over your chest and buttoning your shirt up.

“C’mon, sweetheart. You and I both know that’s not happening.”   
  
  
  
  
  



	7. retrospect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when you run into an old ex, you can’t help old feelings of inadequacy from creeping up. and levi notices because well, he’s levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based off of some asks received on tumblr (@vennilavee)

You bounce on the heels of your feet, waiting to pick up yours and Levi’s favorite pastries from one of your favorite bakeries. It’s not the same one that you had met Levi in for the first time, but it’s still one of your favorite places. The sweet scent of your favorite bakeries has always felt comforting to you, keeping you company even on your worst days. 

The head baker even knows you by name by now, from how often you frequented the place over the last few years. Sometimes you would be alone, sometimes you would be with  _ someone _ , sometimes you’d be happy, sometimes you’d be sad and lonely.

But one of the few constants at your lowest points in life were this bakery’s macarons with Irish coffee and mini mango cheesecakes. Truly some of your favorites.

And chocolate filled croissants but that is a given.

You’re planning on buying an assortment box for you and Levi, and maybe even some extras for your TA recitation class that you’ll be seeing later in the afternoon. You’ve become fond of them, even if they sometimes meddle with you and Levi. Levi pretends like he has no patience for it, but you know better.

You’re pulled out of your dreamy reverie by a surprised call of your name. The voice sounds painfully familiar and your heart races before you can stop it.

You weren’t expecting to see  _ him _ here. Irritation begins to bubble up in your belly- why does  _ he _ look so surprised? You were the one who showed him this bakery after all. You were the one who showed him one of your favorite places, the equivalency of you baring your soul out to him, when you had  _ dated _ him.

You had been younger, maybe a little more naive. But still, you loved him for a while. He was your first love after all, you’ll admit that much.

But he always had a way of making you feel so small with his words and his gaze. Memories that you haven’t really thought of in a long time suddenly play like a movie behind your eyelids. 

You don’t miss the way his eyes lazily travel up and down your body, specifically zero-ing on your mint cardigan, the generous dip of your chest, and your white skirt.

He never really liked your bright colors very much.

“It’s been a while,” He says with an oddly placed smirk, “You look good- look exactly how I remember you.”

“Were you expecting me to grow three heads since we broke up?” You mutter and roll your eyes. 

“How have you been?”

“Great,” You say genuinely. You don’t ask him the question back. 

“So… you still like this place?” He asks.

“Yes, that wasn’t going to change just because you dumped me,” You say bluntly, “I’m leaving now. Take care.”

You grab your boxes hastily, ignoring the way he appraises you with every sway of your hips. You try to push him and old memories to the back of your mind. You can’t understand how you can stop loving him but still feel so  _ small _ around him even after this long. 

He attends the same university as you and Levi, but you rarely cross paths these days. If you do see him, it’s in passing- where you don’t realize it’s him until you’ve passed him. You don’t have him on socials anymore, not even his email- you wanted nothing to do with him after he broke up with you.

Of course, you tried to win him back, tried telling him that you’d reign yourself in if he could just love you a little more. You had  _ begged _ him, telling him you’d reign in the parts of him that he didn’t like. Just so he could love you a little more. Not even that had been enough- not even that display of “devotion”, not even the weeks of break-up sex had been enough.

You scoff at the memory. Pathetic. You’re upset that you were so willing to diminish yourself, make yourself smaller, just for his approval. 

Not anymore. You’ll  _ never _ do that again, and with Levi you’ll never have to. Even if it’s only been a few months, less than a year really, you  _ know  _ where you stand with him. Levi never makes you question yourself, question whether you’re  _ too much _ or  _ not enough _ . Those thoughts never enter your mind when you’re with him. Nothing is too small to ask Levi, and you never feel uncomfortable around him. 

In the end, the break-up itself was a blessing. Because clearly, you had some self reflecting and self love to bask in and embrace.

You make your way to the recitation building after you park your car, drawing a long sigh and pressing your forehead into the steering wheel. A headache begins to brew. Your stupid ex, giving you a literal headache after a three minute interaction.

You stop at your tiny TA office to drop off the pastries that you had bought for you and Levi before heading into the recitation classroom for your class with the other box in your arms.

***

Levi can tell that you’re feeling off from the moment he walks into your tiny office. You had texted him several hours ago, telling him to stop by after your class if he could because you had a surprise.

That had been the last text you had sent to him and he let it be, knowing you had two back to back classes to teach for recitation.

“Hey,” Levi knocks on the doorframe and pulls you out of your reverie. He closes the door behind him and sets his backpack on the chair in front of your desk.

“Hi,” You smile at him, standing up to stamp a kiss to the corner of his mouth. You gently brush over the nearly faded scar on his jaw and he leans into your touch, taking your hand in his.

“Got a surprise for me, or what?” Levi says flatly, drawing you closer to him by your hips. He allows himself a glance down your cardigan to the tops of your tits, admiring the way your necklace sits around your neck. Your hands land against his clothed bicep and even as he kisses you gently, you can slowly feel tension leaving your body.

“I,” You breathe, “I got us some pastries. As a pick me up. And for later.”

“Sweet tooth,” Levi murmurs, squeezing your waist in appreciation, “I didn’t have a sweet tooth till I met you, you know that?”

“You’re easily influenced,” You say easily. 

“Share with me,” Levi demands softly, “‘M not hungry enough for one on my own.”

You nod and Levi pushes the box to the side so he can lean on the desk and pull you in between his legs by your hips. But first, of course, he squirts a dollop of hand sanitizer into his hands and yours. He pulls a chocolate croissant from the box and pushes it to your lips for you to take a bite of before he takes a bite for himself. 

“It’s good, right,” You say faintly, wrapping your arms around his head. 

“Sure, if you like delicately baked fresh pastries with the richest chocolate inside of them. Then yes, it’s good.”

"That’s literally what it is.”

“I’m agreeing with you, am I not? Stupid,” Levi says fondly, poking your forehead. You laugh, but even so, Levi can tell something is bothering you. He wipes the crumbs from the corner of your mouth and presses his thumb to his lips to lick them away.

It’s the way your smile is a little subdued, dark eyes a little sad. Even if you bicker with him and match his kisses, he senses your pensive thoughts.

Levi takes your hand in his and squeezes. He draws your hand up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles as flowers bloom in your chest. You’ve never felt so wanted, so loved and protected around anyone in this way. Except for around Levi.

You could cry, and you swallow a lump in your throat down before you can.

Levi kisses his teeth when he looks at your nails- he can see your baby blue gel polish separating from your nail. 

“When are you getting your nails done, princess? I know you hate when it gets like this,” Levi says and if he hears your sharp inhale, he says nothing.

You suddenly feel like crying- you hate that the dark cloud of seeing your ex still hovers over you. But you suddenly remember how your ex never asked you or even noticed things like that. Noticed when your nails were done, never cared for the color of your nails. Never noticed when you came to him with a new piercing or something different with your hair.

Never noticed when you were feeling small, when you were feeling like your light was dimmed.

Never noticed  _ you _ . 

“I don’t know,” You admit softly, “Maybe later this week. I haven’t had time.”

“Go after your exam on Thursday,” Levi says, “As a pick me up. Come over after, I’ll make us dinner.”

He poses it as a soft request, but you like that he  _ tells _ you that he wants to see you after.

“O-okay,” You nod, feeling a little lightheaded. Levi cradles your cheek, and for a moment you feel like he can see right through you. And maybe he can.

He says your name flatly, but you can hear the concern in it. “Are you alright?” Levi asks. You only nod, not trusting yourself to speak about what’s really on your mind.

You hope you can squash it with the hooks of your tumultuous mind by the next time you see him.

***

It appears that you  _ cannot _ squash the sudden reappearance and irritation of your ex-boyfriend and what he brings. It begins to spill over, the old memories of a man that you no longer have feelings for. But the feelings of inadequacy linger regardless and you know it’s not fair to Levi. To take it out on him like this.

You’ve been avoiding him since you saw him on Monday. Embarrassment colors your mind- that your stupid, shitty ex still somehow has this hold over you.

He’d broken up with you over two years ago, when you were still in your undergraduate programs. You’ve come a long way since then and you know what you deserve. But seeing him again unannounced had definitely thrown you off. 

And you hadn’t even told Levi. You hadn’t told Levi, your  _ boyfriend _ and the love of your life, that you had stumbled upon your ex and that it was bothering you this much.

Levi has asked to see you a few times, but you’ve brushed him off with work or being busy with schoolwork. Eventually, you just tell him you’re going through something and need a day or so alone. He understands, of course he does, but he worries.

Nerves churn in your stomach when you make a decision. You’ll tell him about why you’ve been distant the last few days when you see him on Thursday.

It’s the least you could do.

***

Before your nail appointment on Thursday, Levi texts you saying that he thinks baby pink or cherry red on your nails would look pretty on you. 

Your heart flutters again and you walk into the nail salon with a small smile on your face. Maybe next time, you’ll ask Levi to come with you.

But really, you shouldn’t be surprised. 

By the time you finish getting your nails done and head over to Levi’s apartment building, you’re in a much better mood than you were previously. 

You had decided to go with a glossy cherry red, to change it up a bit.

***

“Hi,” Levi greets you again, as if he hadn’t just picked you up from the lobby and walked you up to his apartment.

“Hey, handsome,” You smile and lean in for a long kiss. You put your backpack next to the sofa and head into the bathroom to wash up before wrapping your arms around his waist in the kitchen.

“Come here,” Levi mumbles, squeezing your hand and turning to face you. He draws you closer and pushes you against the kitchen counter. He plants his lips to yours once more and you can faintly taste his cherry lip balm. 

“I missed you this week,” You murmur. Levi cradles your cheek, thumb ghosting over your cheekbone. “I’m sorry I… avoided you.”

“Let’s eat and talk,” Levi says, scooping food from the still hot pot into a plate for you and for him. He already has two glasses of red wine poured out for both of you.

“I like the color,” Levi muses, taking your hand in his and admiring the cherry red of your nails, “Told you it would look nice.” He rubs your hand adoringly, noticing how soft your hands are.

“Did they use a new oil or lotion?” He wonders, “Your hands are soft, princess.”

Levi kisses your hands so softly that the kiss is barely there but you feel it. You feel it from the tips of your fingers to your toes. So it’s no surprise when you burst into tears immediately.

“What’s wrong? What did I say?” Levi asks, alarmed by the sudden change in your mood. But he knows something is bothering you. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s not you,” You say through tears, “It’s  _ me _ . I’ve been hiding something from you that happened earlier this week.”

“Tell me then,” Levi says, not unkindly.

“Remember when I got us pastries on Monday, from that bakery? Well… I saw my ex there,” You whisper, a little nervous for his reaction. You wonder if he’ll be mad at you. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Levi.”

“Is that shitty guy what’s been bugging you this whole week,” Levi says brusquely and you let out a watery laugh, “You don’t speak much about him.”

“Should I? He’s just an ex,” You mumble, “And you’re the love of my life.”

You say it with such conviction that his cheeks burn.

“Something about him is bothering you,” Levi says, “So you should talk about it. Even if he  _ is _ shitty.”

“When we were together… which was for less than a year, really,” You reply, “He just… made me feel like I was always too much for him. I was too much for him and not enough for him to stay. He never really paid attention to me, always said I was too needy or clingy, but I just… I loved him at the time. I really did, and I just wanted to share that with him.

“Like… he always said I was an attention seeker. He said nobody would really be able to handle me, because I always wanted his attention. But I just wanted him to l-love me.”

A fresh wave of tears spills from your eyes and Levi hates it. He hates that this shitty guy made you feel so awful about yourself for so long, and he hates that he still makes you cry.

“You know I begged him to take me back,” You scoff, “I was so pathetic back then. I begged him, I told him I’d be better. Better at what though? Hiding the parts of myself that I didn’t like? Fuck that guy. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” You mumble, “I guess I didn’t really process how much he hurt me until I saw him. It’s been a while since the last time I  _ really _ saw him.”

Levi squeezes your hands, grey eyes blazing with heat. You know that it’s not for you, though. 

“Anyone who makes you feel like you have to be  _ less _ of yourself to be accepted is fucking shitty. Don’t forget that. That goes for me, for any of your friends… for  _ anyone _ . Do you understand that?” Levi says vehemently.

“Objectively, yeah,” You mumble, “It was just a shock when I saw him. All of those memories came back and I wasn’t ready to relive how shitty he made me feel.”

"That’s okay, princess,” Levi murmurs, “You deserved better than that. He was lucky to have you for as long as he did. What a fucking dumbass.”

“I think part of it is… I’m so in love with you and happy with you. And I feel so comfortable with you,” You murmur, “I’m sad that that version of me was so sad for so long, and felt so... inadequate for so long.”

“You found your way back to yourself,” Levi says simply, “And you’re still finding your way.”

“Yeah,” You nod with a watery smile, “With you.”

Levi kisses your hands again and pulls you in for another kiss, dropping his lips to your cheeks, your chin and your neck. His hands are all over you, dinner nearly forgotten as he kisses your dried tears away.

***

“He’s an ass,” Levi groans into your neck, hands tight around your hips as he slams into you with more vigor than usual. As if he has something to prove.

He wants you to forget about him. He wants you to only focus on  _ him _ , and the way his cock feels inside of you. The way his hands feel wrapped around you. How only he can pull these sounds from you.

“Don’t talk about him when you’re inside me,” You whine, “That’s not sexy-”

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Levi hisses when you let your fingers trail down his corded back, “Wanna stay here forever. Look at you-”

His fingers are bruising over your hips, your neck as he wraps his hand around and squeezes lightly. You squirm in his grip, tears gathering at your waterline for the second time that night. 

“Wanna be yours,” You babble, “Wanna be yours  _ always _ .”

You pull the chain around his neck closer and bring him down for a searing kiss. “Tell me you love me,” You cry, “Tell me I’m  _ yours _ , baby.”

You clench around him when he pulls away to look into your eyes. His thrusts are bruising, powerful, full of pent up frustration. How you like it. But his eyes are soft.

“Love you,” He grunts, “You’re my princess, always gonna be my princess.”

You whine around him, squeezing around him even more. Your walls are velvety and wet and warm, and Levi thinks he could stay in between this little piece of heaven.

Levi allows spit to coat his lips and presses down on your bottom lip with his thumb. Your eyes widen in excitement and you eagerly purse your lips for the ball of spit that drops from his lips to yours. It’s messy, but it makes you happy so he’ll indulge you. His cock throbs at the eagerness with which you swallow and he dips his head for another kiss while roughly pushing into you.

When you cum, it’s  _ his _ name on your lips, it’s  _ his _ cock in your pussy but he knows it’ll take time for you to work through the shitty feelings that your ex left you with. Even if it was a long time ago.

He’ll be there for you through it, and for now, he’ll work through it like  _ this _ . With the audible moans of his name filling the air and the softness of your curves in his hands. 

***

Levi grabs your eczema cream that you had begun leaving at his apartment to apply to your arms. You’d said that you were having a flare up recently, so this is the least he can do to alleviate some of the discomfort.

You smile dopily, drawing the duvet up to cover both of you. You’re seated in between his legs wearing one of his shirts as he gently rubs your arms for you.

“Wake me up if it bothers you,” Levi says, “Don’t wanna wake up with you scratching up your arms like a cat.”

“Okay,” You mumble happily, turning your head to give him a kiss to the cheek. You settle in his arms, getting cozy as he pulls his laptop up to put a movie on to watch. 

It only takes about twenty minutes of the movie and of Levi rubbing your belly before you start to drift off. Levi kisses your forehead and whispers for you to sleep. He cuddles closer to you before turning the movie off and closing his own eyes.

He hopes you dream only of good things and of him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. 3:02 AM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> levi gets a call at 3:02 AM.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a drabble nobody asked for LOL

It’s 3:02 AM when you’re sharply pulled from sleep, the sound of Levi’s ringtone piercing the quiet of the bedroom. **  
**

“Baby,” You groan tiredly, rubbing your eyes as your heart thuds in your chest, “Your phone-”

Levi’s already awake, eyes widening when he reaches across you and sees that it’s Kenny calling, much less Kenny calling him this late. Kenny hardly ever calls him, preferring to drop by unannounced. 

He picks up the phone instantly, heart racing immediately. Levi’s face hardly changes, but to you, you can sense his worry in the pinch between his brows. You tug his hand into yours and squeeze.

_“It’s not lookin’ good, kid. You should get down here to the hospital ASAP…”_

And that’s all you have to hear for you to get out of bed and hand him clothes to put on. You change as well, into leggings and a pink hoodie. It’s too late in the night to put jeans on, anyway.

By the time Levi puts his clothes on, in somewhat of a daze, you’ve already put your wallets, car keys and your phone into your purse. 

“It’s mama,” Levi trails off, his lips pursed in a thin line, “Kenny said she’s not doing well…”

“Okay,” You murmur, “Okay. Let’s go to her then, baby.”

Levi doesn’t let go of your hand the entire way to the car. His hand remains tight in yours while you drive, the address to the hospital already plugged into your phone.

Quiet fear radiates off of him and all you can do is squeeze his hand reassuringly.

***

Levi has always hated the white of the hospital walls, with oddly placed splashes of color. As if that would make the experience any easier. He hates it, he hated it when he frequented here more often as a teenager and he hates it now as an adult.

His skin crawls with anxiety. He fights the urge to itch his skin raw, only tethered by the soft feeling of your hand in his. He needs it, he needs you to anchor him.

It’s 3:30 AM by the time you both make your way towards Kuchel Ackerman. Of course, visiting hours were done for the night and restarting in about four hours, but you had demanded to be let in. After about ten minutes of arguing, the nurse finally relents, shooting you a glare that you wholeheartedly return tenfold.

Levi doesn’t think he’s ready to see his mama in her hospital bed looking the way she does. He’d only seen her a few days ago (with you as well), and she had looked far healthier. There had been more color in her face only a few days ago, more tranquility in her eyes.

She looks much more gaunt today. Tired grey eyes stare back at him and Levi swallows a lump. 

Another squeeze of your hand. Kenny sits in one of the uncomfortable looking plastic chairs, one leg over his knee. Looking just as melancholy as Levi does.

“Mama,” Levi mumbles, sitting on the edge of the bed and touching her hand gingerly.

“Levi, honey,” Kuchel says weakly and coughs. Levi instantly grabs the cup of water at her side and gently tips it to her mouth.

Auntie looks like she wants to say something- her eyes dart to you back to Levi. You get the hint.

“I’ll go get us coffees, Levi,” You murmur, brushing his elbow gently. Kenny rises and says he’ll come with you to the twenty-four hour coffee stand on the first floor.

Levi looks at you as if you’re transparent when you leave with Kenny. But you realize what that look is- it’s heartbreak written in his eyes.

***

Your interactions with Kenny have increased several times over the last few months- he comes to Levi’s place for dinner at least once or twice a week. Walking with him to get coffee feels as natural as asking him to pass you the jug of water at Levi’s dinner table.

“Uncle,” You say slowly, “What’s going on with Auntie?”

“How many times have I told you not to call me Uncle,” Kenny says gruffly while rolling his eyes.

“It’s a habit I can’t kick,” You click your tongue and hand him a coffee after paying, “Is Auntie getting worse?” You ask him bluntly. 

Being with Levi for this long (almost two years now) has made you more straightforward to say the least.

“She is,” Kenny says simply, “Medicine has stopped working-”

“But she looked like she was doing better last time!”

“That’s the human body for ya,” Kenny says dryly, “It does what it wants.”

A few beats of silence. You suddenly feel like crying, but you keep it in. If anything, for Levi. 

To be his lighthouse.

***

You knock on Auntie’s glass door to announce your presence and hand Levi his coffee. You’re about to head back out to give them space, but she softly calls your name. Instead asking Levi to give the both of you space to talk. 

It surprises you, and it probably shows.

“I’m sorry, Auntie,” You murmur. You never know what to say in situations like this. “Anything I can do?”

She takes your hand in hers and squeezes with the little strength she has. She only looks at you in that same disarming way that Levi does. That Kenny does, too. But you maintain her gaze, because by now, you’re used to it.

“Levi loves you,” Auntie says with a small, fond smile, “I see it, I feel it.”

“I love him,” You say firmly, “But you didn’t call me in here to tell me that, Auntie.”

“Smart,” She says, curling a hand around your cheek, “Beautiful, too.”

You hold her hand with your own and run a thumb over her bony fingers. The urge to cry creeps up on you again, but you hold it in. Your eyes must be glassy, because Auntie strokes your cheek with a tender thumb.

“Take care of my baby,” She says softly, “He’ll need you. He’ll say he won’t but he will. When I’m-”

“ _No_ ,” You beg, tears beginning to fall, “Don’t talk like that, Auntie.”

“Take care of him,” Auntie says simply.

“Always.”

***

When you and Levi head back home hours after the sun is high in the sky and get more information from Auntie’s doctor’s, Levi buries himself in your touch. He keeps a hand on you at all times- when he parks the car, when you open the door to his apartment, when you both undress and change to get back into bed.

“I’m scared,” He finally says, whispering into your skin like it’s a secret.

“I’m here, baby,” You murmur, threading your fingers through his and squeezing.

“Don’t leave me,” Levi whispers. A few tears gather on your neck. His or yours, or both, you’re not sure.

“Never.”


End file.
